Bismillahirrohmanirrohim....
I've been reflecting on myself lately. It just saddens me thinking of how am I and who am I in the eyes of Allah. I realized that we can only know ourselves when we are alone with Allah. You can talk so much about Him to others, read about Him and read His book around others.... but when you're alone what do we do to get closer to Him, to know Him better, to gain His pleasure and so on. Its already the 20th night of Ramadhan, I've been deteriorating in my good actions. It just strikes me that when we're too busy and occupied with our life we tend to neglect the most important things.
Since last saturday, I've been caught up with many things that came up suddenly, and of course it is related to the worldly stuff. I've been attending to it too much that I've neglected the essence of Ramadhan, the blessings in it and the beauty of Fasting and good deeds. Can I just spend my time with Him, and really really talk to Him and cry to Him and pray to Him. I want to fall in love again, I feel like I'm missing someone I really love.
I hope to live up this life motto
"To seek the pleasure of Allah and to liven up Rasulullah's Sunnah"
Ya Allah, please place my parents, family, friends, the Ummah and I among the great believers and practitioners of your book. Indeed we are so weak and frail that we do not deserve your paradise neither do we want to even be near hell. Please place us among the Anbiya' and Syuhada'.
At this moment, I miss those close to me who have left this temporary world.
I miss my little brother....
Almarhum Muhammad Hilman bin Azmi
He was born on the 27th January, 1989 and was the only boy in our small family. We were very close and I loved him dearly. He was made special and that gave him extra more attention from our parents. He was the apple of our eyes, and my Mak and Ayah treated him so well that they definitely deserve a place in heaven insyaAllah for taking care of Allah's Amanah so well, never did they mistreat him in fact they put up with his tantrums and educated him with the best education they could afford. SubhanAllah. 13 days ago, marked 11 years of His transition to the next world (6th August 2000). I can't wait to meet him insyaAllah. Achiya (he called me this) loves you adek :) Nanti Hilman jumpa Sofiya your niece insyaAllah when the time comes for all of us.
I also miss my Wan...
She is my mother's mother, she stayed with our family since I was still a toddler. She was a great lady, a very patient one though sometimes she was strict hehe. She followed us until London, and stayed there to help cook for our family at the age of 70 + with knee osteoarthritis. She taught me to read the Quran and basic manners of a muslimah lady. She was very neat, and organized. Few months before her death,
I asked her "Who do you think among your grandchildren loved you the most"
Wan: "Atiyah"
Hehehe... I think she was very diplomatic and knew the answer to give, but deep in my heart I hope she was telling the truth hehe. I never asked the vice versa question though for I was not ready to know the answer hehe. Wan, insyaAllah I know you are placed among the residents of His paradise insyaAllah.
I miss Shakeera...
Almost a month ago, Allah took one of my dearest friend Shakeera Hani Aznan to meet Him first before all of us. The news was too tragic for all of us, but being Mukmin we believe that He has taken her forever to the eternal world where all of us are destined to go. This fact keeps us cool and calm and not grieve inappropriately. I knew her since my early days in the IIUM Matriculation centre in 2003. We were very close and in fact some people thought that we were sisters or something as they claim that we looked alike... Though she was much prettier than me :) she inherited some Arabic genes from her mother's side hehe. She introduced my husband to me, and in the will of Allah we got married. May all the good deeds that me and Aiman do be part of her "Pencen Kubur" as a "Sadaqah Jariah" insyaAllah. I also can't wait to meet you in heaven Shak. Ameen2. We all love you dear, May Allah forgive all your sins and grant you happiness in the hereafter insyaAllah.
Of course there are many other closed ones who have passed away and mean a lot to me, but I can't afford to write them all here but just present them with prayers.
Just imagine, when we die and wake up in the next world... What really mattered to us? Would we be happy for living life the way He tells us or would we be in deep regret for the doing the forbidden things Nauzubillah. This life is temporary, and its just for a short short while. I'd like to share the translation of Surah Al Fajr, I was reading it a few days ago... Its so beautiful and complete. It summarized the purpose of life and makes you realize that its not worth it to go against Him....
89. Surah Al-Fajr (The Break of Day or the Dawn)
1. By the dawn;
2. By the ten nights (i.e. the first ten days of the month of Dhul-Hîjjah),
3. And by the even and the odd (of all the creations of Allâh).
4. And by the night when it departs.
5. There is indeed in them (the above oaths) sufficient proofs for men of understanding (and that, they should avoid all kinds of sins and disbeliefs, etc.)!
6. Did you (O Muhammad (
)) not see (thought) how your Lord dealt with 'Ad (people)?
7. Who were very tall like lofty pillars,
8. The like of which were not created in the land?
9. And (with) Thamûd (people), who cut (hewed) out rocks in the valley (to make dwellings)?
10. And (with) Fir'aun (Pharaoh), who had pegs (who used to torture men by binding them to pegs)?
11. Who did transgress beyond bounds in the lands (in the disobedience of Allâh).
12. And made therein much mischief.
13. So your Lord poured on them different kinds of severe torment.
14. Verily, your Lord is Ever Watchful (over them).
15. As for man, when his Lord tries him by giving him honour and gifts, then he says (puffed up): "My Lord has honoured me."
16. But when He tries him, by straitening his means of life, he says: "My Lord has humiliated me!"
17. Nay! But you treat not the orphans with kindness and generosity (i.e. you neither treat them well, nor give them their exact right of inheritance)!
18. And urge not on the feeding of AlMiskîn (the poor)!
19. And you devour inheritance all with greed,
20. And you love wealth with much love!
21. Nay! When the earth is ground to powder,
22. And your Lord comes with the angels in rows,
23. And Hell will be brought near that Day. On that Day will man remember, but how will that remembrance (then) avail him?
24. He will say: "Alas! Would that I had sent forth (good deeds) for (this) my life!"
25. So on that Day, none will punish as He will punish.
26. And none will bind as He will bind.
27. (It will be said to the pious): "O (you) the one in (complete) rest and satisfaction!
28. "Come back to your Lord, Well-pleased (yourself) and well-pleasing unto Him!
29. "Enter you, then, among My honoured slaves,
30. "And enter you My Paradise!"
Ya muqallib al-qulub, thabbit qalbi ‘ala dinik
O mover (or flip-flopper) of hearts, make my heart firm upon your religion
Comments