Its so hard
Ya Allah! Before I start writing, I have to say this
I have to admit.... Its just so hard for me to control my heart from thinking bad about other people, keeping clear of any jealousy, accepting people's attitudes and so on. Seriously, many events happened recently and it just makes me feel worse and worse. No wonder we're told to Istighfar on a constant basis and repent all the time. Seriously!
Just yesterday I met someone, whom me and my family know and this particular person is a bit snobbish. She doesn't really say hye to you and pretends to not see you until you say hye to her then she'll go like... "Oh hye!" (in a I-didn't realize-you-were-here manner) though you just had an eye contact with her before that. Its really sad you know.. really really sad, you know why? Its really sad for me to even think about this. To make a big deal out of this. Ya Allah, I feel so bad and I surely need therapy for my heart.
All these things, make me wonder who am I in the eyes of Allah. Have I done enough to qualify myself to His paradise, will my good deeds outweigh my bad ones and so on. Death waits for no man... So I have so much work to do!
Amal amal amal. Ilmu Ilmu Ilmu. Taubat taubat taubat!
Written on a regular thursday after having so many thoughts and things running across my mind.
[Note: These are not pathological racing thoughts, just regular ones almost everyone has :p]
I have to admit.... Its just so hard for me to control my heart from thinking bad about other people, keeping clear of any jealousy, accepting people's attitudes and so on. Seriously, many events happened recently and it just makes me feel worse and worse. No wonder we're told to Istighfar on a constant basis and repent all the time. Seriously!
Just yesterday I met someone, whom me and my family know and this particular person is a bit snobbish. She doesn't really say hye to you and pretends to not see you until you say hye to her then she'll go like... "Oh hye!" (in a I-didn't realize-you-were-here manner) though you just had an eye contact with her before that. Its really sad you know.. really really sad, you know why? Its really sad for me to even think about this. To make a big deal out of this. Ya Allah, I feel so bad and I surely need therapy for my heart.
All these things, make me wonder who am I in the eyes of Allah. Have I done enough to qualify myself to His paradise, will my good deeds outweigh my bad ones and so on. Death waits for no man... So I have so much work to do!
Amal amal amal. Ilmu Ilmu Ilmu. Taubat taubat taubat!
Written on a regular thursday after having so many thoughts and things running across my mind.
[Note: These are not pathological racing thoughts, just regular ones almost everyone has :p]
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