Welcoming Baby Muhammad

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim.

Alhamdulillah, Baby Muhammad, our 4th child was born on the 27th of Ramadhan 1438H (22nd June 2017).

We are so happy and grateful that Allah has blessed us with a son after blessing us with 3 lovely girls. 

Baby Muhammad is now 11 weeks and 5 days old, to put it simply he is almost 3 months old.  

I found out I was pregnant with Baby Muhammad on the 16th of November 2016. Alhamdulillah my first trimester was good. I performed Umrah with my whole family in January 2017 and we had a wonderful time Alhamdulillah. 

Things were pretty normal, and life was going on as it usually had been for me and Aiman.

On the 8th of March 2017, I was scheduled for a detailed scan. We went to PCMC for the detailed scan with all of our girls. And alhamdulillah we found out that we were having a boy! MasyaALlah :) 

The doctor also told us that everything was normal for our little baby, except for his brain. The doctor wasn't able to find parts of his brain on the ultrasound scan and he diagnosed our little Baby as having Porencephaly. We were told that the baby would either die in-utero or be born and not live long. 

At this point, me and Aiman were in unstoppable tears. Never had we been tested with such news in our life. SubhanAllah. I texted my parents, my sister and a couple of my best friends. Aiman called his mother as soon as we got out of the clinic. We were devastated yet we knew we must accept it. I had all sorts of thoughts running through my mind. I had an amniocentesis test performed on the same day after the scan. Yes! It hurts haha. 

I then waited for my bill at the clinic and Mak called me and I felt so much better after talking to Mak. Suddenly, Aiman texted me as he went to buy food with the girls and he told me that he wanted this baby, and said "Lets do all we can to get this baby healthy insyaAllah. Eat nutritious food, Dua, and Hope". I was speechless, I was sad thinking that Aiman did not know what the scan showed. He was sad yet fought his sadness with a positive spirit. 

We were emotionally down for the next few days and I was in contact with my ex-lecturer from IIUM who was a Fetal Maternal specialist. She was such a great support and was always ready to answer my doubts and questions. MasyaAllah, after speaking to her on the phone and she advised me to keep on taking fish oil and praying to Allah for a good outcome only did I start to feel hopeful and positive. MasyaAllah. Never underestimate what positive words one can say that can change someone's life for the better. May Allah bless you and grant you Jannah Prof Hamizah. 

My family and I chose to think and feel positive with what Allah can do and we believe that whatever Allah wills is always the best for us insyaAllah.

We were referred to HUKM from the 26th week of pregnancy. The next detailed scan showed that our baby had hydrocephalus. I was happier with this news as this meant that the diagnosis is not as bad as porencephaly and insyaAllah he can be operated on.

At my 30th week check up, the scan showed that his head was around 35 weeks size. I was again worried and sad. But what kept me going and feeling positive was through Zikrullah and Quran.

When I was 33 weeks pregnant (5 Ramadhan), I had a fetal MRI done and the findings were even more shocking to us. We were told that the baby has porencephaly cyst and also what seemed like a dandy walker cyst of Variant type. My parents, mother in law, sister, sister in law and Aiman were all there on the day of this procedure and heard the verbal report from the Radiologist. 

After 2 weeks, we attended the Fetal Defect Clinic. Its a multidisciplinary meeting between us and 9 specialists - 4 from the O&G team, 3 from Paediatrics and 2 from Neurosurgical team. The meeting felt like an interview for a big job or Masters program. :))

The first thing we were told in the meeting was that " Atiyah you will deliver next week!" Wow! I could only smile as I had no other choice I guess. They had to decide the best time to deliver the baby considering that his head was growing at a fast speed and he also has to be mature enough to survive outside the womb and stable enough to undergo surgery after delivery. So this meant that I would deliver 3 days before Raya. Hehe.

I was nervous but had no time to entertain the negative thoughts or feelings as I had to prepare for the delivery, my children at home and at the same time spend the last days of Ramadhan wisely. 

MasyaAllah, what seemed like a painful period then seems so beautiful now. I miss the Aunties and neighbours at the Surau. They were all so lovely and supportive. Love them all so much.

On 26 Ramadhan I was admitted in HUKM and on Thursday 27 Ramadhan, I was prepared for the surgery early in the morning. Mom, Dad, Mak, Abah, Ustazah Iman came to see me before the surgery. Alhamdulillah, Kak Ijah was so lovely to accompany me during the operation. I was so nervous the night before thinking of how it would be like in the OT while I undergo the operation fully aware and not knowing how the baby would be.

After around 30 minutes I think, the consultant who operated on me came to me after the baby was delivered and told me that everything was OK! The baby was being attended by the Paeds team, I didn't hear him cry and was wondering how he was. Alhamdulillah after my surgery was complete, they wheeled me pass the baby and I got to catch a glimpse of Muhammad and he grasped my finger when I touched him. It was such a beautiful moment alhamdulillah.

Muhammad was then sent to the NICU. Aiman, my parents, parents in-law were waiting outside annxiously and alhamdulillah they were so relieved when they knew that the surgery was over and saw the baby being transported from the OT to the NICU. 

Aiman spent time with Muhammad. I was back in the ward feeling so knocked out! I was like drugged or something haha. Alhamdulillah at least I got to sleep the whole day and night post surgery.

The next day, Mak and Ayah came early in the morning to help me get up for the first time. Love you Mak Ayah, thank you so much for taking care of me. Thank you to Kak Niah and Abg Addaem too for all your support. Aiman was with the baby the whole time. We went down to see baby Muhammad get a brain MRI done. I felt so emotional seeing my baby in the MRI machine. The feeling was real. I felt connected to him. After the MRI was done, I managed to hold him for the first time. Alhamdulillah. Around 2 hours after the MRI, he underwent the VP shunt surgery and it went smoothly alhamdulillah. 

He stayed in the NICU for 10 days. We welcomed him in our house on the 1st of July 2017, we were all so excited.

During my confinement, I had a lovely confinement lady Kak Dewi, from Natalis Confinement Service. Kak Dewi was of such great help and support for me and Muhammad. She was caring, gave a really good massage and was loved by all my children. Alhamdulillah. 

Alhamdulillah, I admit that the first weeks after the delivery was difficult and it took time to cope with a lot of things. I felt so sad too as I was not able to attend to my daughters. However, Aiman's family were really awesome. Mak made a timetable for who would be in charge of the girls while we were away at the hospital and during the first 2 weeks with the baby. Thank you so much Mak, Abah, and everyone for helping us out. Only Allah can reward you for your kindness. 

So before I end this post, there are a few things that I'd like to share with my future self and also for any readers of this post:

1. I truly appreciate doctors and healthcare workers who are professional and empathic with patients. Our experience with the Prof Azizi, Muhammad's Neurosurgeon has been so wonderful. He is so positive and always relates things back to Allah. He never spoke negatively of Muhammad or determine what would happen to Muhammad. In fact, he gave us hope and told us what we could do from now on. Instead of dwelling with a problem, he gave us solutions. He encouraged us to research more on right brain learning, the Glenn Doman Method for Brain- Injured Children, visit the NURY Institute and also highly encouraged us to babywear Baby Muhammad. He is very much into natural parenting and advises us to do so too. Even though our meetings have been short and brief, yet he always manages to give us such useful advice. May Allah reward him, his team and his family with Hasanah and happiness till the hereafter. 

2. Ever since I've been given this news and I shared it with my family and friends. It made me realize the importance of supporting a fellow friend or brother/sister when they are tested with a trial or tribulation. Words of encouragement, prayers mentioned and all positive and encouraging things really helped us. I am also shameful of myself, that I have been ignorant and not supportive enough of my family or friends before this. I never truly felt for others. Astaghfirullah. Sorry to anyone I have hurt before for being ignorant or insensitive to what you went through during your hard times. From now on, I strive to be supportive, conscious and be more mindful of my family members and friends especially with what I say and not say. 

3. Children are all gifts from Allah. Please take care of them as they are our Amanah. Alhamdulillah Allah has made easy for us to get children, and there are many that Allah tests them with hardship to concieve. But as Believers, we must believe that all comes from Allah and we have NO power to do anything or make anything. So whatever Allah gives us is the best for each and everyone of us even though life seems so hard at times, but find the beauty in it. InsyaAllah, Allah always has something good for us.

4. From all this so far, me and Aiman couldn't thank Allah more for giving us this lovely blessing. Through the birth of Muhammad, we have learnt to have Redha, hold on to His rope, get ourselves near pious people, and chase His love more than anything. We are both still to this day and till the day we die will struggle with fighting our Nafs, and strive to stay steadfast on His path. 

5. We met a lovely Syrian couple, who have now become a part of our family. Ustazah Iman Al Madani and her husband, Marwan. We are now learning Quran with her and she is so far the best Quran teacher I have ever had and she cooks really well too! Yummy. Alhamdulillah, she has been so supportive and taught us so much including Duas to read, names of Allah, Tadabbur Quran and so much more. She now offers Quran, Arabic classes for adults and children at Kareem Centre (above Modest Culture Boutique). One of the blessings that Allah has sent to us.

Just to quote what Ustazah Iman reminded me when I was down, 

"We know nothing, and only Allah knows everything. Just have redha and let Allah take care of Muhammad. InsyaAllah this will be the opening to other doors of goodness and may this be the key to Jannah. Ameen."

6. The birth of Muhammad has brought our family closer together, and we appreciate life and loved ones even more. Thank you Allah for always reminding us of You. 

My hope as a mother for my precious Baby Muhammad is for him to be a good, Soleh boy who can memorize the Quran and as much knowledge as possible if Allah wills. I choose to live each day as it comes and do my best under Allah's guidance insyaAllah for Baby Muhammad. 

InsyaAllah, I will continue to write about Muhammad and our journey in raising this special boy and our daughters. May we be beneficial to the society, the Deen, the world and the whole universe. 

This life is too short. Allah will surely test us and He is always with us. Don't be scared and don't be sad.

26 Ramadhan 1438 H, the day before Baby Muhammad enters the world. 

Day before my operation, 21/6/2017.

Us, the night before the operation. 

So happy to receive my lovely friends at home 9/9/2017.

Farhana so happy in this picture haha. She planned this gathering. May Allah bless her for being such a wonderful friend to surprise Aishah on her birthday. 9/9/2017. 

Tahnik by Atok (Ustaz Musa)

Baba and Baby Muhammad on Raya Haji.

Tahnik and Dua by Sheikh Fadlu Abdullah Murad, an Islamic scholar from Yemen who now resides and teaches in Qatar. 

A day out with Baby Muhammad after Raya Haji. 

Me wearing Baby Muhammad and Sofiya at The Gardens Mall, 3/9/2017.

Alhamdulillah, our first family photo together. 10/9/2017