Making it public

The Introduction

2012-01-25T21:31:00.001+08:00

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Compassionate

My friends and I have long decided to have our own Usrah group and start one to strengthen our Ukhuwan and also as an opportunity for us to share and increase our knowledge together. So finally, last Friday on the 6th January 2012, we gathered in my room :)

Fae and Nadiah came over to the house during Jumaah prayer time and we started our first session. We read surah Al-Asr and went in depth into the translation of the Surah.

The translation of Surah Al-Asr is
1. By the time!
2. Lo! Man is in a state of loss;
3. Save those who have faith and do righteous deeds, and counsel each other to hold on to truth and counsel each other to be steadfast.

What we learnt from the surah is that, we have to organize our time to do good deeds and basically to surround our everyday life around good deeds either specifically by performing Ibadah or doing work and other things with the right intention to seek His pleasure. We also shared each of our experiences as holding different roles from each other and how we managed our activities. We learnt a lot from each other! I shared my story as a working mother in the hospital and fully committed to breastfeeding.

In conclusion, we learnt from our discussion was to
1. Always be punctual
2. Respect time, and other people's time
3. Manage our time wisely to be filled with good deeds (Amal Soleh)
4. Be an agent of change among friends and family, to have the intention of delivering a good message either directly or indirectly.

InsyaAllah, our usrah will be done every fortnight and we hope to increase our knowledge and get to increase our Imaan. Ameen.

The Social Network

2011-12-15T08:21:00.001+08:00

I still feel grateful to God, for lending clever IT people to all of us allowing us to experience the easiness of getting connected to one another. Its just amazing how things evolve over time, from computers to mobile phones to smart phones to social networking and of course faster and faster internet connection.

Facebook itself has made me connected with hundreds of friends, not to mention the long lost ones. I've managed to get connected back with friends in London whom I last met when I was 13 and many primary school friends too. It allows us to see updates on our friends, observe the growth of their children, know their family and friends and many-many more.

Despite all these benefits, one word would have to assist everyone involved with using these pages

"SELF-CONTROL"

Seriously! Self-control is so important as we do not want to get carried away and spend too much time on these pages. I am experiencing this problem myself, sometimes I would even sleep late without realizing the time just because I started to browse through a friend's page and it becomes like a domino effect. Perhaps what I'm saying is just happening to me but then again I thought its good to share this reminder.

Self-control is not something to be taken lately, as scientists have discovered that a higher self-control in children is associated with a better IQ or performance in the long-term for these children. So what more in us adults! I wonder how many organizations or companies are facing this problem of their staff facebooking too much and reduced productivity totally. I am so screaming this to my ears and brain now!

In Islamic point of view, we are taught not to bother about other people's business or be a nosy parker unless we are to help but it just gets harder when we are too connected with each other and get to access into other people's lives.

I here take this as a challenge for myself today to not waste and abuse my time on Facebook, rather to use it purely and solely as a means of updating friends on recent events and to share words of wisdoms or teachings. Nevertheless, I wonder what would happen to our lives if Facebook never existed, no?

Great teaching!

2011-09-21T15:32:00.001+08:00

I need this now

2011-09-21T15:21:00.000+08:00

The Light

2011-08-28T10:51:00.003+08:00

The holy month is coming to an end again, and most of us are busy preparing for Eid. I did a personal self auditing and the conclusion was not very satisfying :( Should've done more and grabbed more of this month's rewards. I'm currently facing the shudda wudda cudda (not sure you how you spell it but try saying it) moment.

I really feel the intense regret and frustration of not fulfilling many of my hopes and dreams in this month :( I'm only human, and I know I could do better. Whatever it is alhamdulillah I'm grateful that this time around I get to meet Ramadhan again with my family and spend it with them. Its true what they always say : Would we even meet with the next Ramadhan again, and usually you'd think that this won't apply to you right but after seeing my young friend go at such a young age I can really feel this.

I hope that insyaAllah Post-Ramadhan, our family will be consistent in waking up early and performing Sunnah prayers, praising Allah before dawn, reading the Quran and trying to understand it and many many more. May Allah bless us all for our good intentions. Ameen.

I really would like to say this to many youngsters out there if I ever had the chance, I was once in darkness and it never felt right and calm until I found the light and it was the light of Allah, only then I felt peaceful and in harmony with the whole universe. So seek for this light and leave the darkness as you can only be seriously happy once you've found Him.

Eid Mubarak everyone! Lets celebrate in moderation, give out to charity and eat wisely (big shout to me).

2011-08-23T16:40:00.001+08:00

Beautiful

2011-08-19T03:00:00.001+08:00

Ya Allah

2011-08-19T02:22:00.004+08:00

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim....

I've been reflecting on myself lately. It just saddens me thinking of how am I and who am I in the eyes of Allah. I realized that we can only know ourselves when we are alone with Allah. You can talk so much about Him to others, read about Him and read His book around others.... but when you're alone what do we do to get closer to Him, to know Him better, to gain His pleasure and so on. Its already the 20th night of Ramadhan, I've been deteriorating in my good actions. It just strikes me that when we're too busy and occupied with our life we tend to neglect the most important things.

Since last saturday, I've been caught up with many things that came up suddenly, and of course it is related to the worldly stuff. I've been attending to it too much that I've neglected the essence of Ramadhan, the blessings in it and the beauty of Fasting and good deeds. Can I just spend my time with Him, and really really talk to Him and cry to Him and pray to Him. I want to fall in love again, I feel like I'm missing someone I really love.

I hope to live up this life motto

"To seek the pleasure of Allah and to liven up Rasulullah's Sunnah"

Ya Allah, please place my parents, family, friends, the Ummah and I among the great believers and practitioners of your book. Indeed we are so weak and frail that we do not deserve your paradise neither do we want to even be near hell. Please place us among the Anbiya' and Syuhada'.

At this moment, I miss those close to me who have left this temporary world.

I miss my little brother....

Almarhum Muhammad Hilman bin Azmi

He was born on the 27th January, 1989 and was the only boy in our small family. We were very close and I loved him dearly. He was made special and that gave him extra more attention from our parents. He was the apple of our eyes, and my Mak and Ayah treated him so well that they definitely deserve a place in heaven insyaAllah for taking care of Allah's Amanah so well, never did they mistreat him in fact they put up with his tantrums and educated him with the best education they could afford. SubhanAllah. 13 days ago, marked 11 years of His transition to the next world (6th August 2000). I can't wait to meet him insyaAllah. Achiya (he called me this) loves you adek :) Nanti Hilman jumpa Sofiya your niece insyaAllah when the time comes for all of us.

I also miss my Wan...

She is my mother's mother, she stayed with our family since I was still a toddler. She was a great lady, a very patient one though sometimes she was strict hehe. She followed us until London, and stayed there to help cook for our family at the age of 70 + with knee osteoarthritis. She taught me to read the Quran and basic manners of a muslimah lady. She was very neat, and organized. Few months before her death,

I asked her "Who do you think among your grandchildren loved you the most"

Wan: "Atiyah"

Hehehe... I think she was very diplomatic and knew the answer to give, but deep in my heart I hope she was telling the truth hehe. I never asked the vice versa question though for I was not ready to know the answer hehe. Wan, insyaAllah I know you are placed among the residents of His paradise insyaAllah.

I miss Shakeera...

Almost a month ago, Allah took one of my dearest friend Shakeera Hani Aznan to meet Him first before all of us. The news was too tragic for all of us, but being Mukmin we believe that He has taken her forever to the eternal world where all of us are destined to go. This fact keeps us cool and calm and not grieve inappropriately. I knew her since my early days in the IIUM Matriculation centre in 2003. We were very close and in fact some people thought that we were sisters or something as they claim that we looked alike... Though she was much prettier than me :) she inherited some Arabic genes from her mother's side hehe. She introduced my husband to me, and in the will of Allah we got married. May all the good deeds that me and Aiman do be part of her "Pencen Kubur" as a "Sadaqah Jariah" insyaAllah. I also can't wait to meet you in heaven Shak. Ameen2. We all love you dear, May Allah forgive all your sins and grant you happiness in the hereafter insyaAllah.

Of course there are many other closed ones who have passed away and mean a lot to me, but I can't afford to write them all here but just present them with prayers.

Just imagine, when we die and wake up in the next world... What really mattered to us? Would we be happy for living life the way He tells us or would we be in deep regret for the doing the forbidden things Nauzubillah. This life is temporary, and its just for a short short while. I'd like to share the translation of Surah Al Fajr, I was reading it a few days ago... Its so beautiful and complete. It summarized the purpose of life and makes you realize that its not worth it to go against Him....

89. Surah Al-Fajr (The Break of Day or the Dawn)

1. By the dawn;
2. By the ten nights (i.e. the first ten days of the month of Dhul-Hîjjah),
3. And by the even and the odd (of all the creations of Allâh).
4. And by the night when it departs.
5. There is indeed in them (the above oaths) sufficient proofs for men of understanding (and that, they should avoid all kinds of sins and disbeliefs, etc.)!
6. Did you (O Muhammad ()) not see (thought) how your Lord dealt with 'Ad (people)?
7. Who were very tall like lofty pillars,
8. The like of which were not created in the land?
9. And (with) Thamûd (people), who cut (hewed) out rocks in the valley (to make dwellings)?
10. And (with) Fir'aun (Pharaoh), who had pegs (who used to torture men by binding them to pegs)?
11. Who did transgress beyond bounds in the lands (in the disobedience of Allâh).
12. And made therein much mischief.
13. So your Lord poured on them different kinds of severe torment.
14. Verily, your Lord is Ever Watchful (over them).
15. As for man, when his Lord tries him by giving him honour and gifts, then he says (puffed up): "My Lord has honoured me."
16. But when He tries him, by straitening his means of life, he says: "My Lord has humiliated me!"
17. Nay! But you treat not the orphans with kindness and generosity (i.e. you neither treat them well, nor give them their exact right of inheritance)!
18. And urge not on the feeding of AlMiskîn (the poor)!
19. And you devour inheritance all with greed,
20. And you love wealth with much love!
21. Nay! When the earth is ground to powder,
22. And your Lord comes with the angels in rows,
23. And Hell will be brought near that Day. On that Day will man remember, but how will that remembrance (then) avail him?
24. He will say: "Alas! Would that I had sent forth (good deeds) for (this) my life!"
25. So on that Day, none will punish as He will punish.
26. And none will bind as He will bind.
27. (It will be said to the pious): "O (you) the one in (complete) rest and satisfaction!
28. "Come back to your Lord, Well-pleased (yourself) and well-pleasing unto Him!
29. "Enter you, then, among My honoured slaves,
30. "And enter you My Paradise!"

Ya muqallib al-qulub, thabbit qalbi ‘ala dinik

O mover (or flip-flopper) of hearts, make my heart firm upon your religion

Oh life....

2011-08-15T00:07:00.002+08:00

In life the most unexpected things happen, you just don't know when and how. Seriously, being a 25 year old woman turning 26 in a couple of months time.... so many things have happened. Things that are just out of the ordinary.

When people tell you things you don't want to hear because you know that it hurts but actually they are positive critics and you have to accept it. Faith is so important, without it one will go nuts.

" On this night of Ramadhan, I hope for constant faith in Allah and please Allah grant me inner peace. I love you Allah. Only you can help and guide me. "

Jamie Cullum - What A Difference A Day Made

2011-08-13T07:37:00.000+08:00

Calm and jazzy...

Information Age

2011-08-13T07:35:00.005+08:00

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

Today is the 13th day of Ramadhan, and with a blink of an eye we have all moved through 13 nights of this holy month and another 17 more left! :(( I pray for consistence and sincerity in performing amal and learning knowledge.

I bought a new book by Robert Kiyosaki titled "Unfair Advantage", this book talks about how our education system lacks one of the most important knowledge which is 'Financial Education'. I was reading and reading it, and it really answered all my questions before this about how I myself am lacking knowledge in handling my own finances and not to mention about all that money earned and gone even before the end of the month! So he defined the age now as the Information age, contrary to the age before this which was the Industrial Age. Now people are wireless! We need not big shops, stores, etc... everything is online. Entrepreneurs are also growing like 'cendawan selepas hujan' nowadays, so what would these group of people require? A sufficient and safe financial education. A point that this author always emphasizes on is also, "its not about what you invest in, but how good you are as an investor". So double whammy! Poor financial education leads to bad investment and empty bank account? Well at least that's how I see it. So now, I tell myself to actively learn this important portion which is to study on how to manage money and also learn about bigger things! Hehehe.... (Ssshhh this is totally a different part of me talking)

Relevant to the Information Age, I was browsing through Apple's website and as usual this company has never failed to amaze me. Just how do they do it. They seem to come up with brilliant ideas and definitely out of the box! Their products are also really cool and look really good. Imagine the world before this, now almost everyone owns either an iphone, iPod, iPad, macbook, iMac a couple of them or perhaps all of them! Yes, they are pricey but seriously their price has really gone down compared to before and its all worth every penny. This also reminds me of Sheikh Yusuf AlQaradawi's talk a few years ago about how the Muslim world especially the Arab world, are consumers! Yes, some muslims might be blessed with a loooottt of money but the fact is that we're just buying the products made in the West. He was saying how we can afford a Mercedes, but not even a single screw is made by a muslim. So he really called upon Muslims to get up and be makers or producers or manufacturers rather than a plain consumer.

On the bright side, alhamdulillah now in a smaller scope Malaysia has grown tremendously, There are so many new blooming companies owned by local Muslim people, who create many-many new products and services. I feel so driven to do the same when seeing the success of fellow brothers and sisters in manufacturing their own products. This has definitely grown in the markets in the middle east, UK, Europe, US etc. Just try googling muslim clothing online store! It just contributes to that penniless bank account again Hehe.

The picture below kinda summarizes Apple's products though they're not the latest. :)

In a nutshell: "Its a different era now, things have changed, people have changed and so have mentality. Live in the now and educate yourself with the some of the most important knowledge.

Its so hard

2011-08-11T09:44:00.004+08:00

Ya Allah! Before I start writing, I have to say this

I have to admit.... Its just so hard for me to control my heart from thinking bad about other people, keeping clear of any jealousy, accepting people's attitudes and so on. Seriously, many events happened recently and it just makes me feel worse and worse. No wonder we're told to Istighfar on a constant basis and repent all the time. Seriously!

Just yesterday I met someone, whom me and my family know and this particular person is a bit snobbish. She doesn't really say hye to you and pretends to not see you until you say hye to her then she'll go like... "Oh hye!" (in a I-didn't realize-you-were-here manner) though you just had an eye contact with her before that. Its really sad you know.. really really sad, you know why? Its really sad for me to even think about this. To make a big deal out of this. Ya Allah, I feel so bad and I surely need therapy for my heart.

All these things, make me wonder who am I in the eyes of Allah. Have I done enough to qualify myself to His paradise, will my good deeds outweigh my bad ones and so on. Death waits for no man... So I have so much work to do!

Amal amal amal. Ilmu Ilmu Ilmu. Taubat taubat taubat!

Written on a regular thursday after having so many thoughts and things running across my mind.
[Note: These are not pathological racing thoughts, just regular ones almost everyone has :p]

Ramadhan Kareem

2011-07-31T11:36:00.000+08:00

Surah Al-Baqarah (Verse 183)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الصِّيَامُ كَمَا كُتِبَ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

O Believers, the Fast has been made obligatory on you just as it was prescribed for the followers of the Prophets before you. It is expected that this will produce piety in you.

10 nights have passed, we hope to always consistently maximize this month insyaAllah.

May we be among the righteous ones and consistently be in the remembrance of Allah. Ameen.

We love you dearly

2011-07-27T08:47:00.004+08:00

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim.....

In the name of Allah The Merciful, The Compassionate

I recently lost a really good friend of mine. Her name is Shakeera Hani Aznan. She left this temporary world on the eve of 23rd July 2011 when she was involved in a tragic accident. As muslims we believe that each and everyone of us have been determined the time of our death and that not even a second early or late will it be since Allah works so precisely SubhanAllah, yet there are means and ways in which our death comes. Innalillahi wa inna ilahi roji'oon.

Al-Fatihah to my dearest Sahabah, whom I can't wait to meet in heaven insyaAllah.

Allah has planned it in such a way that me and my whole family were in Singapore when we received the news. Allahuakbar. My mother was about to go onstage to give a talk to hall of 320 people when we read the text message from Aida, and she asked everyone in the hall to pray and sadakah Suratul Fatihah for Almarhumah. MasyaALlah... it is indeed her Rizq to be prayed by so many people. May Allah place her in the best place insyaAllah.

Her death has taught us all a deeper meaning of life and its purpose. We were born servants of Allah and our occupation is as a caliph of Allah. We live daily to carry out Allah's instructions and to leave all that He forbids. May Allah place her among the believers insyaAllah. Death awaits us at any time as determined the moment we were created, not a second too early nor a second too late. Allahuakbar. Please please Ya Allah, show us the right way and guide us in reaching your paradise. Ameen. We love you Shakeera, but Allah loves you more and he lent you to all of us. Love for Allah indeed is the purest love, He will never leave us. SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah. Allahuakbar!

Dua during difficulties

2011-06-30T20:03:00.001+08:00

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ
"O Allah, I hope for Your mercy, do not leave me for even the duration of an eye blink (duration) and correct my total condition. Besides You there is none worthy of worship".

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Location:Lorong Cinta Alam D,Kajang,Malaysia

Super2

2011-06-27T23:16:00.001+08:00

We went out for a movie together, a disappointing movie actually. We watched Super 8. !!!! hahahaha.

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I love you Sofiya

2011-06-26T23:03:00.001+08:00

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Location:Homst TTDI

Self made Mess

2011-06-21T21:28:00.000+08:00

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim....

I am in a mess... a really big mess .... created by myself.....and I am not liking it.

Its my turn

2011-03-11T12:20:00.002+08:00

Bismillah... In the name of Allah

So you might have known that I graduated as a doctor almost a year ago, 9 months to be precise. I had then been called for work in July last year but I chose to defer it and start somewhere in September. Well it turned out to be postponed until after I delivered, which was in December. Once I delivered I decided to start in June to fulfill my wish to exclusively breastfeed my baby for 6 months and be the first to introduce to her solid food. I was at home, joyfully waking up to my baby's cry and taking my own sweet time giving her a bath, putting her on my tummy while I lie down and do some deep breathing, watching the tele and so on. This was my daily routine, sedentary but fun hehe.... until I got a shocking letter on tuesday March the 8th! I saw a big brown envelope, addressed to me with KKM sign on the thing. I opened it and saw the exact letter I received last July in 2010 with the difference of dates, this time I'd been called for induction in PD from the 15th March til the 18th! I was sooo shocked, I cried to my husband. I kneeled and hugged his legs while he was sitting doing his work and could only pat me on the back equally sad and surprised. (He didn't cry, oh no he didn't hehehe)

I tried to digest it but when I saw my baby I kept on crying and I hugged real strong. My mum called when Aiman told him about the letter and how sad I was, she asked me whether I'd like to postpone it but I knew that I shouldn't as it would be the second time on the record and I think it'll look bad. My sister was totally against me starting work too, she felt so sorry for Sofiya and told me to postpone it. I nearly did, but then again I thought again and again maybe this is it. Allah has destined this for me and that everything happens for a reason.

Since wednesday, I have started to give Sofiya expressed breast milk (EBM) using a bottle. She can drink from it Alhamdulillah and now I am regularly pumping to get used to the frequent pumping I have to do in order to maintain my milk supply. Please pray for me so that I get to breastfeed my baby for 2 years insyaALlah. I went to see a lactation consultant on thursday, to ask her regarding pumping at work especially as an HO! Alhamdulillah, I'm so glad that I went to see her as my doubts and questions have been answered and I feel so positive about this. InsyaAllah, May Allah help me and ease me in my journey to fully breastfeed Sofiya for 2 years. I've settled the documents for induction and registration alhamdulillah.

Now, I'm cleaning up my room and organizing it so that once I'm gone Aiman will be able to handle the room and baby easily insyaAllah. I like to have a system and be organized but it doesn't mean that I'm a truly neat and orderly person, sometimes when I'm out of the system things get nasty... oh yes they do. So I'm all geared up to start this new chapter of my life, being an adult, a worker, a staff and most importantly a servant of Allah seeking for His pleasure. Oh yeah, I'm also going to be a mother with a career insyaAllah, I wonder how I'll handle it. As a mother you can be very selfish when it comes to educating and handling you child where you want only what is best for your baby, you want to feed her, you want to be the one seeing her first smile, seeing her play with toys, teach her to speak, read to her, teach her about Allah and Rasulullah, introduce Islam to her and so on. Somehow I know there will be a way to do this and balance out my life, and be the perfect mother for my child. I'm trying not to think about what other people have told me about how hard a houseman's life is, so I'm affirming to myself that InsyaALlah with Allah's help and guidance I can live a satisfying life insyaALlah.

Hope to update this blog frequently, so that any events and memoirs can be recorded electronically and be a reference for the future and most of all if anybody ever reads my posts I hope I can be of benefit in any way. Salam!!

For The Rest of My Life

2011-03-01T18:35:00.008+08:00

So okay, the title of this post might be cliche for those ears familiar to Maher Zain but it was the best I could find to fit my feelings about this entry. InsyaAllah this Sunday March 6th would mark a year of mine and Aiman's marriage.

I've never really been public about my story with Aiman, never did I have the interest to do so as I didn't want to appear 'poyo' or showing off, hehe but this time I really want to put my feelings in public. This entry is specially dedicated for my husband.

Alhamdulillah Aiman is a true blessing and gift in my life and I am so thankful to Allah for blessing me with such a special person. We got to know each other on 19th June 2009, at my house when Shakeera (our mutual friend) invited him over for a small BBQ held at my house. We talked casually and didn't really interact to get to know each other better. I was single at that time and so was he, but he had the wrong perception of me being with someone already and I knew that he was single but I felt that I wasn't good enough for him. He was a decent looking guy of average height and built, polite and appeared rather nerdy (in a good way). We had a karaoke session that night of which my parents were involved too, however mummy talked to Aiman half of the time finding interest in his passion for self development. They definitely spoke the same language! When the night ended, everyone went home and that was that. I added him on FB and we never communicated ever since.

We chatted a couple of times on FB, and the second session initiated our love chapter. My friend Moushumi whom I've known since 9 years of age from our primary school in London was coming to Malaysia for her elective program in UM Hospital. It was a Friday when I chatted with Aiman, and I asked him whether he'd like to accompany me to take my friend and a couple of her friends out since I'm a map illiterate, and I don't really know my way around KL. He agreed to help me take my friends out. The reason why I asked him was because I saw photos of him and his foreign friends on a trip to Penang, which I interpreted as him being a foreigner friendly type of person hehe...

So we went out on 5th September 2009 with Moushumi, Mya and Zakia. We went to Matta Fair, PWTC as the girsl wanted to look at available Bali trip packages available and Aiman and I ended up talking to each other a lot. Since that outing, he kept on texting me and I replied! hehehe this was indication for him that I was actually interested in him too (Perasan haha :p but yeah I have to admit he was right ). 1 week after that, he had the strength to talk to me over the phone and tell me his intention and interest in getting to know me better, and I said 'likewise' hehe :)

Our friendship continued getting stronger and closer, during Eid week which was 2 weeks from our first outing together we got even closer as he came over to my house and spent a lot of time with me and family. Aiman even joined my batch's Raya Convoy hahaha!

2 days after my 24th birthday, Aiman expressed his intention of getting our families involved and taking our relationship into something deeper. Alhamdulillah, we both agreed to that decision. Both of us talked to our families and on 6th December, 2009 we were engaged. It was a special occasion and a very simple one, his parents, grandmother and siblings came over to my house and only my parents were the only ones there. They talked and a ring was given and we decided to tie the knot on 6th March 2010.

A week after my Surgical End of Block Exam, we were solemnized in a memorable, orangey, fun and laid-back event held at my house in Kajang. It was very momentous as lots of my friends and families came. It was so good to meet all of them on my very special day. We went on our honeymoon 2 days after at Tioman Island, arranged by Aiman's parents. Alhamdulillah, we had a great time.

Our life began as a married couple, being apart for the first 3 months since I was in Kuantan for my studies. Alhamdulillah we met each other every weekend. I ended my 5 year degree course on the last days of the month of May 2010, it was historic for me as the most important examination for my undergraduate years called the "Professional Exam" was faced with a supportive husband beside me. He came all the way to Kuantan, took leave and stayed almost a week with me. Accompanied me to the library, and became my patient for me to practise physical examination skills. Alhamdulillah! Aiman also did a very special thing, whereby he went up to my hostel room after getting permission from the Mahallat Office and while I was sitting for my OSCE exam he cleared up all my stuff. He borrowed Mak's (Aiman's Mum) van and boy was the van loaded! 5 years worth of clutter managed to be squeezed into the poor automobile.

After moving back to KL for good, I spent my time at home being a wife and a pregnant mother-to-be waiting eagerly for Aiman to come back from work. I was looking forward to start work too, until my brother in-law advised me to delay my housemanship until after Eid (August 2010). I was partially influenced by that advice, I received a letter for Induction but I made a decision to postpone it until a bit later. Aiman and my family agreed to my decision. We then went for Umrah slightly before Ramadhan and celebrated the coming of the Holy month in the Holy city of Makkah.

To make the story shorter, I finally decided to just wait for the baby to be delivered and be a stay-at-home wife enjoying her pregnancy. :) Alhamdulillah at that time also, Aiman decided to go on his own and was more at home and we spent a lot of time together.

Now back to the real stuff, Aiman is my life partner insyaALlah. We not only spend a lot of time together but each moment spent together brings us closer. I'm still amazed at how Allah has made such a perfect partner for me. I always told AIman that neither me or him are perfect, but we're perfect for each other insyaAllah. We share a lot of things in common and we can communicate and relate to each other really well. Of course we have our quarrels and disagreement episodes, but we both try to tackle the issues smartly and try to preserve our relationship over petty things. We realize that congregational prayer for married couples is very important and brings them closer together and most importantly closer to Allah. We do a lot of silly things together and make stupid jokes that only we understand and laugh about.

Abang, thank you so much for putting up with my behaviour, for always knowing what to tell me and how to console me when I most needed it. You always encouraged me no matter what I did, and gave your opinion wisely and made me feel good even though I was at my lowest. You make me feel proud of myself for delaying my work and focusing on our baby even before she was born. You're such a great person whom I look up to. Your imperfections are what I find cute and learn to adapt to. We shall enjoy our journey together in moving towards our vision and in improving ourselves. Honestly, I've changed a lot ever since you came into my life alhamdulillah.

Since I adopted the title of this post from a song Maher Zain wrote for his wife, I'd like to dedicate this song to my husband. Here's the lyric of the lovely song by Maher:

I praise Allah for sending me you my love
You found me home and sail with me
And I`m here with you
Now let me let you know
You`ve opened my heart
I was always thinking that love was wrong
But everything was changed when you came along
OOOOO
And theres a couple words I want to say

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you. loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you
I know that deep in my heart
I feel so blessed when I think of you
And I ask Allah to bless all we do
You`re my wife and my friend and my strength
And I pray we`re together eternally

Now I find myself so strong
Everything changed when you came along
OOOO
And theres a couple word I want to say
For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you. loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you
I know that deep in my heart now that you`re here
Infront of me I strongly feel love
And I have no doubt
And I`m singing loud that I`ll love you eternally
For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you.loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you
I know that deep in my heart

This 1 year of our marriage has been lovely and I can't wait to face the future years with you insyaALlah. Happy anniversary sayang :) Luv u so much.

P/s: I wrote this so that my feelings and experience are in a physical form, so that in later years to come we have something to read and laugh at :p

MasyaAllah!

2011-02-24T09:20:00.004+08:00

Alhamdulillah today is a new day and I'm grateful for the good health and great family Allah has blessed me with. My baby is sleeping on her vibrating rocker and I hope she'll stay asleep for an hour or two so that I'll get to do my work insyaAllah. Yesterday, I went through old albums to find my baby pictures and to my surprise when I finally got to see them the baby in the photos looked exactly (well at least 90%) like Sofiya my baby girl. I don't know why I'm making a big deal out of this but maybe its the motherly instinct of happiness that your child resembles you feeling has taken over me or it could be that I found it funny seeing another me. Of course I am more than grateful to be blessed with this child and I am not moaning or whining for the resemblance of looks here!

[Listening to Set adrift on memory bliss by PM Dawn] --> Random!

I really want to show those baby pictures of mine, but me being me with my selective ability with technology have not yet been able to scan the photos using my husband's unfamiliar printer + scanner. InsyaALlah when I finally get to scan them I will surely put them up!

Okay I better get back to work, I do have work and tasks to complete you know even though I haven't started working. Chow!

Photos below are taken during our recent PD family trip, Sofiya was 10 weeks old then.

A month passed... Alhamdulillah

2011-01-11T14:40:00.005+08:00

Alhamdulillah today Sofiya enters the infant world, she is 31 days old and is no more a neonate. For the past 1 month we've been through a lot, well I would say Sofiya has gone through many changes rather than me :)

She was born weighing 3.33kg and alhamdulillah now weighs 4.5 kg. She looks longer and has grown 2.5 cm in length since birth. Syukur! Breas

tfeeding has been wonderful for the both of us, she drinks 2 hourly during daytime and 3 hourly at night. We sleep together and wake up late together the next day too! Hahaha.

I've been out and about with Sofiya, we've been to Alamanda, Pavillion, Kajang, various shops in Bangi and Le Chateau De Puah to celebrate Mak & Abah's anniversary! Either we push her in the stroller or we carry her in Baby Bjorn which she loves and falls asleep instantly. Talk about clever innovations!

Babies her age still haven't developed their social smile or exogenous smile but Sofiya does smile at times by herself either in her sleep or when she's awake which I find sooo cute masyaALlah. I can't wait to see her smile in response to mine insyaAllah. Her clothes which were too loose for her in the beginning are starting to fit her well and soon would be too tight I reckon. Hahaha. Alhamdulillah, grateful for this amanah from Allah.

Aiman has been the one giving her a bath every morning, only on a few occasions did I have to do it as he was away or had a meeting. She loves bath time and would only cry when she's not fully fed or when we turn her around to wash her back and she feels like she's lost her control. When this happens, she would grip the bath bed and try to climb up. :)

She did develop nappy rash in the 2nd week of her life, which was worrying for us but fortunately it healed well after putting Tapioca starch (Tepung ubi) around her groin. I definitely have to thank Abg Wat's Mama for this wonderful tip/petua! Works like wonders subhanALlah.

Another achievement for Sofiya is her ability to be bottle fed with EBM (expressed breast milk). I was nervous when I wanted to introduce the bottle to her as from my reading some babies get nipple confusion. 3 days away from 4 weeks of her life I had the courage to try feeding her from a bottle, and alhamdulillah to my surprise she drank from it, finished the milk and was able to breastfeed immediately after that. Alhamdulillah. We've been giving her a bottle a day since then and yesterday for the first time I left her at home with my father. When my mummy came home, and Sofiya cried for her feed she gave the bottle to her and she drank well and finished 4 oz of milk. I was so glad as I plan to attend Imam Suhaib Webb's talk this thursday and I do not intend to bring her as she's still too young to be sitting in a hall full of people. So I'd have to leave at least a couple of bottles for her during my absence.

Alhamdulillah, I am adapting and adjusting well to this new life. The challenging first 2 weeks have passed by and I don't even think about it anymore. I've adapted to the reduced number of sleeping hours and to handling a baby when we're out. It felt awkward at first, but now alhamdulillah it gets better and better.

I can't wait to meet up with my best friends from uni this sunday insyaALlah. We haven't hanged out since our student days, 8 months has elapsed and a lot has happened to all of us. They've entered the working world while I've entered mama-hood. I looked back at my photos when I was in year 4 and year 5, before getting married and it reminded me of my life before and how I've changed and how life has change

d tremendously. Alhamdulillah all for the better.

Thank you Allah! You have always been there for me and you have blessed me with so many countless nikmah which makes me grateful more and more each day. Please guide me, I know that I'll never walk alone as you are always here with me.

Just to share, one of my favourite verses from the Quran would be ayatul kursi. I believe in its hikmah and the meaning is so powerful that it secures your heart with faith that Allah is there with you and will always help His servants.

"God exists. There is no God but He the Everlasting and the Guardian of life. Drowsiness or sleep do not seize Him. To Him belongs all that is in the heavens and the earth. No one can intercede with Him for others except by His permission. He knows anout people's present and past. No one can grasp anything from His knowledge besides what He has permitted them to grasp. The heavens and the earth are under His dominion. He does not experience fatigue in preserving them both. He is the Highest and the Greatest. " (2:255)

Entering a new world

2010-12-27T13:00:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah it has been 16 days since I gave birth to my baby girl Sofiya. She was born on the 12th December 2010 at 1642 hours. After about 2 rounds of pushin, she made her way thru to the new world. Alhamdulillah, for there is noone else to thank and be grateful to except for Allah.

The journey began on the eve of her birth day, Mama (me) was craving for Papa's trifle. So we went out to buy the essentials and just before Maghrib we both attempted to make our own trifle but needed Mak Uda's ( Halimah) help via phone anyways haha. Throughout the evening I felt uncomfortable and my tummy felt tight and i found it was a bit hard to walk. I wasn't in labour yet as there were no regular painful contractions, no show, no broken water etc. My parents came back from the airport at 8pm and we decided to just go to the hospital as I insisted on delivering the baby the next day. Hehe instinct you call it! Aiman helped me with the stuff and brought my pre-packed bags.

The midwife performed an internal examination on me and found that my cervix was 4 cm dilated, 50% effaced and positioned midway. CTG revealed no contractions and the fetal heart rate was within the normal range, though the baby was tachycardic initially of around 170 beats per minute but it only happened when she was moving vigorously. Woohooo way to go! I was admitted and Aiman stayed with me.

The next morning, I woke up took a shower, prepared myself and prayed Fajr. Put on light make up! hahaha and had breakfast with Aiman. I was all comfortable and still had no uterine contractions. I was pushed to the labour room which was located opposite the ward. I was given enema and you know what happened next :))

The nurse inserted a mild dose of Prostaglandin, (Cytotec) following the instruction of my super cool gynae Dr Seri Suniza :) I was accompanied by my husband and later my sister came. My supportive in-laws also came to visit. My dearest parents arrived slightly later and brought along my trifle :p

At 1pm, Dr Seri came. I was only 5cm dilated and she performed ARM on me and said "We'll see whether you'll still be smiling after this :))" and she was right.... after around 30 minutes I felt contraction pains. It kept on coming and started to be stronger. I held Aiman's hands and could only cry when the pain came. I wanted mum and Kak niah to be in the room with me. The nurse came and wanted to start me on pitocin drips and offered epidural or pethidine. After being persuaded by my family, I agreed to Pethidine. My reason for not wanting to take any pain relief was because I wanted to see how far I could handle it hahaha. What and egoistic decision, but I'm glad I took some pain relief. The pain was getting stronger and more frequent, and so was the effect of Pethidine. I was sedated and sleepy. I remember waking up to great pain and saying 'sakit sakit' bla bla.... hahaha I actually remember people laughing at me too! Suddenly I felt the urge to PUSH! but the nurse told me to hold on to it as the cervis was only 9 cm dilated and there was a bit more left. I couldn't hold it, but thanx to the sedation I slept again. Soon, as I began to want to push so much I heard Dr Seri's voice and she calmly said "You can push now, I'm here" I was so relieved and I started to push, but the nurse taught me to push properly and Alhamdulillah after 2 rounds of pushing the baby was safely delivered.

I was still sedated and in between my pushing I slept! Hahaha they had to wake me up to push. The baby was then put on my chest, and they woke me up again!! to see the baby. MasyaALlah she was beautiful, still covered in blood with a head full of black hair, eyes opened wide. It was the first skin-skin touch between the baby and mama. I slept back and they took the baby. I woke up in between, as I heard my husband saying the beautiful Azhaan and Iqamah to the baby. SubhanALlah. Afterwards I got cleaned up, I was alone in the room with the nurses as everyone else went to the nursery to see the baby. Cute! They pushed me back to my room and on the way I saw Ayah, Yusoff and Abg Ngah outside the nursery looking at the baby.

Later, they pushed the baby inside and the first breastfeed was given. The latching was a bit tough at first for a primid like me :) but alhamdulillah I managed to give her what she needed. Allah is the ultimate Creator! How He has instilled in a newborn baby, the instinct to latch and feed. SubhanAllah. I was surrounded by more than enough support, Aiman, Mak, Ayah, Kak Niah, Mak, Halimah, Abah, Abg Ngah, Abob and Imran. For I thank Allah for blessing me with a great family Alhamdulillah. Mak busu, Uncle, nurul and Hajar came later. So did Alia and Adli :) Thank u all.

It was a dramatic feeling, holding a baby in my arms and feeding her. Still groggy from the pethidine but it was a sensational experience for me and my husband. I collapsed in the toilet because it was the first time I got up after the delivery, fortunately to be accompanied by 2 nurses who helped me out from the moment I got out of the bed. Aiman went into the toilet with a panicked look and I straight away came back to my senses after passing out into some weird dreamy like feeling. Alhamdulillah it was nothing, and the nurses told me it was a normal event that usually occurs after the mummy stands up after birth since the body has to adapt to the new weight and blood pressure etc. After all was settled, we both slept after everyone went back home soon to be woken up by the baby's cry at 1230 am for her next feed and the whole night was disturbed with her cries for a feed. The whole new chapter has just begun! I soon realized it.

We were discharged on day 3 of Sofiya's life. Alhamdulillah. We have been at home since then and life has changed a lot for me and Aiman. At this point that I'm writing we have adapted to the new system and to the new addition. I love her more and more each day. May Allah bless her with good health insyaALlah.

I'm so sleepy now and better be sleeping before Sofiya wakes up for her feed. InsyaAllah I'll pen down my thoughts and experience in the future but as for now I have to go!

To my daughter, may you be a knowledgeable and a well read muslim woman insyaALlah! I love you so much and may we enter Allah's paradise together. Ameen.

To my dearest husband, life has extremely been in the fast pace for us ever since we met in June 2009. masyaALlah. I am grateful and happy that Allah introduced you into my life, this is just our beginning may our future years be filled with happiness together. I love you!

Mind control

2010-10-23T15:39:00.003+08:00

Hello and may peace be upon you!

Its a saturday, and its starting to rain. Where's the best place to be now?

One's own personal bed!

I am so digging for that now, but I told myself, naaahh I should be up doing other beneficial things.

I can't wait for my husband to arrive on monday morning at 730 am insyaAllah. Owh I've been having the visual pictures of me fetching him on and on ever since he left on the 14th last week. I told my parents just now, it feels so long and I feel like its a really really long wait and its like moving somewhere but not reaching there just yet. I must say, this 11 days husbandless experience is pretty new to me and it takes quite a while to adapt to, but yeah I've been great and we've been skyping a lot alhamdulillah.

So lets start with how I began my day today, I woke up at 6am for Fajr prayer and slept back coz I was so drowsy and my head was aching. :( At around 950am mumsie called me, and she told me to start doing this NLP program which she'll purchase online for me. So I got up, showered and went straight to her room. Bought the online tutorials and I'm good to start.

I feel so enthusiastic to start this program and I can't wait to learn it and see the end result :) typical!!! You see the gold first then you start thinking of how do I get the gold anyways. So far its been good, the teacher speaks really well and I can understand it quite well.

Its really important as to how one controls one mind and thoughts, as most of us know the mind consists of two parts which are the conscious and subconscious mind. When we talk, and walk and eat and bla bla we are using our conscious mind but the way we do it and how we do it is actually controlled by our subconscious mind. See how one person goes for an interview and gets the job while the other person who is equally good didn't manage to get it, well lets not just talk about luck but it really falls on to how the person talks, presents himself and so on. If you condition your subconscious mind to think positively about yourself and act as if you are that person you dream to be, trust me it actually works and insyaALlah voila! You'll see the result. We somehow are conditioned naturally and also by how we have been affected by our environment.

I learnt that we can trick our mind into thinking that we have already achieve our goals just by saying it in the present tense. For example I am happy and grateful that I now have RM 500000 in my account. That's just a mere example :) this is because the subconscious mind can't distinguish between the truth and a lie! hahaha so if we keep on telling ourself this, emotionalize it and later our body will act towards it and you'll finally achieve it! Don't ask the how just be in the state of knowing that it will come true insyaALlah. (Of course all happens in the will of Allah!) Your mind is so powerful that it can control you and make you move towards your goal. If you happen to hear or do some research on how the big powers of the world act to control the population is actually by mind control. See it for yourself, the advertisements, the TV we watch, the posters we see, the things we listen to and the list goes on. We can control our mind by being independent of all this by learning how to control it.

With constant prostration to Allah and always seeking for His guidance and blessing, and a good enough knowledge about learning how to control our minds. InsyaAllah we will be able to achieve what we want and as a Muslim, we have to believe in Qadha' & Qadar and accept whatever happens. So in case something we don't like happens to us, put on a different pair of spectacles and start seeing things in a positive manner. Maybe its happening to give something better for us, or always know that everything that happens has a 'Hikmah' behind it. So wouldn't you agree that a soul can be so peaceful this way insyaAllah. The universe is too big and Allah is the Most Merciful! He loves His servants so be confident in Him and do something for yourself in order for us to serve the ummah and also to ultimately attain Jannah insyaALlah.

You will never get lost if you choose the road of truth. Ameen.

P/s: I'll be 25 on the 25th this monday insyaALlah! That's a quarter of a century. Wonder how many decades will I be able to breathe in and be of benefit to others.... :)

Lotsa love

Me :)

Baking!

2010-08-30T09:29:00.002+08:00

The Calling! Its the calling!

I feel called to bake a cake! Wuhuuuu

Are we taking life for granted??

2010-08-30T07:00:00.002+08:00

Today is Monday, and its the beginning of a new week and the 20th day of the holy month. Days and days have gone by.... have I been grateful with my life all this while I start to wonder?

Everytime we wake up in the morning, what would be the first thing we do? Switch off the alarm, snooze the alarm, jump out of bed, rush to the toilet or do we sit up and say Alhamdulillah, I am so grateful for being alive, for being blessed with good health, at least I can move my body voluntarily and see the world when I open my eyes... oh yes and those lungs are working and my heart is pumping without me having to control it. We then move on to our daily routine or activities.

However, we should start asking ourselves the questions... why am I here again? Why was born in this world? Am I just a lucky 1 in 3 million chance of being fertilized and live just to fulfill my humanly needs? As we read the holy verses of the sacred book 'Al-Quran' we would come across so many verses that state our purpose as a vicegerent on this earth.

So as a human being, we should always be consciously aware of our existence and think back of the reason why we are born into this world. Whatever seed we plant would grow us the tree that we wish for insyaAllah. So as a lesson for me today, sacrificing my sleep during the day :) would be my jihad and try to make full use of my time and to be of benefit to other people.

There is so much to be grateful for in life, that petty things should just be overlooked and we should focus on bigger things. For example, in my medical student days experience I remember seeing a patient who was my age and suffered from Duschenne Muscular Dystrophy, she is lucky to still be alive and has such a big heart that she never moaned or complained and was so helpful to us students when many of us have come to her asking the same questions and examining her. SubhanAllah! It really made me realize that its all about perception and 'Redha'. She worked in the OKU place, whereby she made handcrafts products. So we should really be grateful, the fact that we can get up easily from squatting and that we're able to walk unaided is a truly great blessing alhamdulillah :)

So I am truly reminding myself that there is more to life and we shouldn't take it for granted and live consciously to enjoy every minute of it whilst getting the Allah's Redha. May we be blessed and be in the guidance of Allah throughout our life. Ameen ameen Ya Rabbal 'Alamin.

A month full of offers! Grab it!

2010-08-25T07:23:00.002+08:00

This year is my first celebrating Ramadhan as a married woman alhamdulillah. I still remember last year, I just ended my internal medicine posting and had around 2 weeks break and another 2 weeks was spent in the labour room. Staying up all night just waiting for a baby to be delivered. Though I couldn't do much of Ibadah, but that felt like an obligation and it felt wonderful. This year alhamdulillah, I celebrated the first 4 days of Ramadhan in Makkah. The first tarawih prayers was at Masjidil Haram, I sat next to my sister. Indeed, an unforgettable moment. However, we didn't experience iftar in the moqsue itself as we broke our fast in the hotel room and rushed downstairs to join the Maghrib congegrational prayers. It was always led by Al-Imam Sheikh Al-Sudais. SubhanAllah! He sounded exactly like in the CD or MP3 but better coz it was live!

Today is already the 15th day of Ramadhan 1431. On my way to the mosque this morning I saw how beautiful and round the moon was, covered vaguely by greyish clouds. It was a beautiful sight, but in my heart I felt sad :( This means we only have half a month left. I pondered at how I've spent the last 15 days, and I'm not satisfied with my personal performance. I wished I had done more ibadahs.

Allah is so generous and He has always gives his servants endless chances and opportunities. He blesses us with air and water, with life, health, mind and so on. Yet, as a servant what have we done to show our faith in him. In this beautiful month, Allah has offered us so many blessings and also promised us a lot of rewards if we perform ibadahs and good deeds. It feels so light living in a world with no devils and every second that passes by is full of rahmat. I heard a tazkirah after tarawih by a local Ustaz, he mentioned that this month can be divided into 3 phases:

1st 10 days: Rahmat

2nd 10 days: Pengampunan

3rd 10 days: Bebas dari api neraka

Lets grab the offers that have been offered by Allah, and perform as many good deeds as we can and leave all the bad and wrong doings that we have been addicted to or can't stop doing. InsyaAllah with the barakah of this month, and a strong determination Allah will help us in changing to become a better person as long as we want it so badly in our hearts.

SubhanAllah

2010-08-24T15:35:00.000+08:00

MasyaAllah! Alhamdulillah today is the 22nd week and 3 days of my pregnancy an praise be to Allah, i was lying down and had my hand on my tummy when i felt the movement of my baby. SubhanAllah. What a wonderful feeling. I told my husband to feel it after iftar when we were both drained after eating too much :p n he felt it too, initially thinking that it was me. Haha. I was like how could my inner organs be capable of doing that! The baby kept on moving and until this morning.

Its okay little one, play and move as much as you want while the room lasts :)

Me and papa love you so much and we pray that you'll become a blessed child and memorize the Quran insyaAllah. Ameen.

Finally

2010-06-16T06:20:00.003+08:00

Salam,

After so long I have finally decided to become more active on my blog. I've always been amazed at how some people are so talented in writing and their language is so good that I enjoy reading other people's blogs and end up not knowing what to write in mine. Today, I woke up at 4 am and prayed Isya quickly as last night I had an abdominal pain, that all I could do was just to sleep it off. So after prayin Isya' I couldn't sleep again, I was lying down with my eyes opened for almost and hour and a half. Feel bad for my husband as he had to bear with my frequent motions and waking him up asking for a chat. Anyways, I ended up playing with my phone and read a blog written by someone I'm not close with but her blog turned out to be so inspiring. I was so inspired at how serious she is about life and how dedicated she is in becoming a better person.

I've always felt myself as a mediocre in finding the truth or making myself better. I'd rather lie down and sit around in my usual comfort zone, but hey no! It's time to wake up and stand up and work hard and hard in life. I once heard a talk by someone knowledgeable in Islam, he said that as Muslims we are supposed to feel tired of all our hard work and that our final rest is life after death. InsyaALlah. Not as tiring as it sounds, but its quoted that " If a student does not feel tired due to his hardwork in studying, then he did not study as he is supposed to be". So in a conclusion, we Muslims have to look far and stop thinking about ourselves and our family only. We have to have a bigger soul and work hard to build up our Ummah. We have to work hard in what ever field we're involved in, what differentiates a successful person and a normal one --> "Successful people don't do certain things, but they do things in a certain way". So I am here to remind myself, wake up! Stand up! Work hard!

As enthusiastic as I may sound in the previous paragraph but i do sincerely hope that I, myself would strive for excellence in whatever I do and may all our efforts benefit our Muslim Ummah and also the whole human population.

I can't thank Allah more, for giving me a healthy body, a sane mind and a searching heart. Oh Allah please guide us. Please bless us always with ur Hidayah!

Ooopss... My husband is up, and he asked for a really nice drink.... Errr.... 3 in 1 I suppose :p

29 more days

2010-02-06T22:29:00.002+08:00

This would be another new entry after a long time...

There's like 29 days more til I'm getting married insyaALlah. Huh.... It has been rather fast... I mean life, I mean time.... tub tab tub tab it has been 5 months since I knew Aiman (my fiance)

I sat down today just to think of what has happened within the past 5 months... and how life was prior to that.

We're all living in a fast pace life... where each and every human are living towards their goals, I believe that everyone has a goal either its big or small. Sometimes in the midst of chasing our dreams and goals we tend to forget the basics of life.

I'll be writing again soon... this entry has no points, opinions or facts.. mainly its just questions that arise in my mind nowadays!

CHOWZ

Have you ever?

2009-09-03T16:26:00.002+08:00

Have you ever had that feeling? That feeling where you are just so scared that it's gonna happen again. When you just feel like crying and crying. You just don't want to hope for anything. Every dream or wish you have just goes away because of the fear you have.... what has happened in the past just keeps coming back... It just hurts everytime you think about it.

E' oo

2009-06-21T10:38:00.002+08:00

Today I woke up feeling nervous... because I was supposed to pick up my new sunglasses from Awie who came from Kuantan to pick up someone at LCCT, I felt nervous because I was afraid he might get lost etc... So i got up and showered n got ready etc.... Sadly, Awie called me and said he left it in Kuantan .... :( Never mind I guess, he insisted on posting it to me.

My head feels a bit dizzy coz I slept on one cushion last nite and I'm used to sleeping on 2 pillows. Last night I kept on singing 'Bulan Cinta' hahahhaha thanx to my friends who kept on singing it during our karaoke sessions ;)

Why do I always have thought block when I'm writing my blog ha???

WWF

2009-06-04T06:39:00.003+08:00

I haven't been writing ever since I started to write the last time, the reason was that I just didn't know what to write. It's similar to me saying I don't know what to talk about or say despite being a chatterbox.

Its hardly 7am and I'm all up and ready to send mum and dad to the airport, but I only managed to sleep at around 230am as I was on the phone with my sister for an hour and the remaining time after the chat was just filled with going online for a bit, shuffling things around my room etc. I also found it hard to doze off as I was worried in case I didn't wake up early to send mum and dad. So kinda sleepy now and feels a very strong affinity for the bed.

I haven't packed my bag for Singapore, Ayah Jes offered to share his bag but when I saw the contents of the half-filled bag I don't think the bag can even fit all my stuff. I mean you have to admit girls/ woman carry half their room when they travel. So I have to find a bag after this, I just couldn't make my mind up on what to bring and all. I felt fat as I tried a couple of clothes and I ended up looking like a female wrestler. So enough about me telling the whole world about my wrestling moments, I just wanted to get the hang of writing again.

Oh no.... Or Oh yes... Ayah jes just came in and said he can send mum and dad while I pack at home so that we don't waste time.... Oh okay... so next plan 10 mins- zleeeppp.... and 20 mins - pack pack pack!!!

Alritey gotta go!!!

Don't Cry... Just smile

2009-05-28T19:03:00.002+08:00

I feel like crying, thinking back about the wasted few weeks of holiday so far... I planned to really make full use of my time in HUKM and learn a lot as possible... but I spoilt it by going back early everyday and already missed 3 teachings out of 4 so far!!! Internal medicine posting is ending this tuesday, and what have I learnt? Was it worth it? Oh Tiyah Tiyah.... I sleep when I come back or surf the net and waste my time...... Uwwaaaa... and to add to my sadness and frustration, Prof Tan my supervisor in HUKM told me that before she is going to sign my elective posting thingy she's going to have a viva for me... no way man!!! Keep on the positive thoughts Tiyah... ;/

I also planned to learn cooking with Kak Bohai, but instead I kept on eating and piling on more weight... at least 1.5kg! Daddy's addiction to Nescafe Ginger & Honey 3in1 has also got me addicted! So I have around 2 cups a day.

I also planned to tidy up my almari and distribute the unused clothes to family and charity. But haven't started a thing!

Okay okay... so enough of complaining and self blaming, I gotta start doing the things planned. Had to write it down so that I feel this weird 40kg burden on my head and the force on my tear duct gone!!! Gone baby gone ... No more frustrations, for tomorrow will be a good and productive day ;)

I'm new to this

2009-05-17T00:29:00.002+08:00

Good morning everyone, I decided to become a blogger too after seeing my sister's blog just now. Never been the kind who writes but I should practise writing now.

Today, I saw the translation of verse 2-3 from Surah Thalaq.. MasyaALlah maybe Allah wants to send me a signal... the translation was so beautiful and it really hit me. We should do what Allah tells us to do, leave what He forbids and Allah will give us rezeki in unexpected ways. MasyaALlah... so Tiyah no worries, just stop thinking negative and worrying... because only to Allah should we hope and He will provide us with what we wish for insyaAllah as long as we follow the right path.

I seriously have to change and want to change, after all these years .... only Allah knows what I've done, gone through, faced and all..... but He is the one who will forgive and to Him we should repent.

Oh Allah... please forgive me, please guide me....

Initial Moment

2008-09-19T02:26:00.000+08:00

Salam.... It's the 18th day of Ramadhan... It's a Friday night or early morning precisely...

I started this blog with the intention of brushing up my skills in writing and putting my thoughts in black and white :) usually it's just floating in the air and usually there's too many of 'em that I can't even remember what I thought or felt :).... Just got back from the Resus room.. saw a couple of interesting cases, tried to be of help but man.. do I need training in doing procedures hahaha... Had a full cup of plain dark coffee... to make me stay up and enjoy doing my case write up that has to be submitted tomorrow... =)) can't wait for the outcome.

I better be starting on my case write up or people won't be seeing signs of me the whole day tomorrow except for my desk and bed (whatever that means!!)

Nanti kite sambong ngumpat2 n gossip kay!! :)

My shoulder .. the right one

2008-09-18T11:26:00.001+08:00

It hurts... :( can't go to a doctor coz I dunno how to describe my symptoms...